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  • Writer's pictureAbbie VanMeter

What Feels Impossible to Say? | Daily Mindful Moment #9

What is something that feels impossible to say?

I ask this question for our daily mindful moment because I've been thinking about some things that feel hard to say. Things like boundaries. I think we convince ourselves that we couldn't possibly say that thing because of the messages we have internalized, the context we are in, the patterns that were set for us, and so many other reasons.

I just ask this question as a little activity to identify the thing that feels impossible to say and then just pay attention to how it feels when you visualize yourself saying it.

Earlier this week, I had a conversation where the person I was talking to suggested I say the impossible thing. My response was that I could NEVER say it. But in the following moments I pictured myself saying the thing, and then saying it again, and then saying it again and each time it felt a little more doable.

It can be helpful to examine why we don't feel like we can say certain things, which are sometimes the MOST important things to be said. Maybe part of the reason it feels so hard to say them is because we know just how important they are. It feels like pressure and it can be doubly scary when it hasn't been modeled for you.

This is a big one for me. A lot of times my excuse has been that I don't say the thing because we don't say the thing. Maybe that's family, friends, society, whatever. Some outside force has convinced us that this is the way things are. And it can feel terrifying to put yourself out there, to be the one to shake things up, to be the one to say, "Hey, what if things were different?"

Do you see how this is part of a better social world? I would never pretend that the path to creating better social worlds is easy. More likely, it's the opposite most of the time. Saying the things that feel impossible is really hard. But, it creates something new for sure.

If you are looking for a good enough reason to overcome the impossible feeling and say the thing you need to say, consider that you saying the thing could liberate someone else from that same feeling. You could write a new story that allows someone else to believe that could be their story too.

One example of an impossible feeling thing to say is rejecting the fear that other people bring into my life. I have some people in my life who are really rooted in fear. Sometimes this makes them ask questions of make comments that don't feel loving. Instead, it feels like they are trying to control, that they think I'm not capable, or that they don't trust me. This hurts. I can understand where they are coming from when they say these things. Their intent is to be loving, to show that they care for me, but the impact is to make me feel distrusted and belittled. I have been trying to come up with some responses that help me to set a boundary and make it known that I will not be internalizing those kinds of comments. I am practicing saying things like, "I do not receive that" or "It doesn't feel good when make comments like that" or "You don't have to say that. You can trust me to handle this situation." It all felt very icky at first, but it's starting to feel a little more realistic.

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