The Platinum Rule | Mindful Moment #20
Updated: May 25
How can you live by the Platinum Rule today?
This is a fitting question for our #mindfulmoment today since it is the advice from our conversation partner in today's new episode. Jennifer Furlong has given a Ted Talk and shared with us all about "The Platinum Rule."
If the Golden Rule that we all learned was "treat others the way you want to be treated," then the Platinum Rule is "treat others the way THEY want to be treated."
What changes when we make the distinction between how we want to be treated and how other people want to be treated?
Well, for starters we stop looking inward and we start looking outward. We stop assuming that everyone is the same, has the same experiences, and values the same things. Instead, The Platinum Rule asks us to use our imagination and learn to empathize with others.
The great part of this is that we don't have to guess. We can come right out and ask the people in our lives how they want to be treated. For example, there are some people in my life that are very quick to offer advice when I am sharing about a situation in my life. Advice can be really helpful... when we ask for it. Unsolicited advice, however, can end up harming relationships. One of the people in my life has shared that instead of jumping straight into advice-giving, they want to start asking, "Do you just want to be listened to right now? Do you want advice? Or do you want a hug?" What a great way to figure out how someone wants to be treated! Also, it acknowledges that what that person wants might be different from moment to moment. Maybe right now they just want a hug, but in another situation, they might be looking for advice.
If we are living by the Golden Rule, we make think that we are doing a good job of loving other people, but we should actually let them be the ones to tell us how well we are loving them.
What is most meaningful to you might not be as meaningful to someone else. And that's okay. We just have to take the time to learn about the people in our lives so that we can love them well and show up in ways that matter to them.
For example, maybe you love receiving flowers from your partner, but they prefer to spend quality time with you. Both show love in different ways.
Maybe it is really meaningful to you when people show up on time and respect your time, but your friend doesn't value time in the same way. Your friend can still learn to communicate with you if they are going to be late, or work hard to always be on time for you because they know it means something to you.
Maybe your family really values spending time together, but you are more of an introvert. You can all work together to come up with ideas that allow for you all to spend meaningful time together AND for you to get some much needed alone time, too.
All it takes to live out the Platinum Rule is a little creativity and communication.
Try it out today and let me know how it goes!
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